Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
