In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
