I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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