Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just cropdusted the office
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
