am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
