I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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