Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i am craving dick and cupcakes
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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