they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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