alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
