I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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