Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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