Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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