before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
