For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
