yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
