She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
