first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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