We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
