I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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