Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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