We're like a lot better than the average bears
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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