This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
it's great music for shaving your balls
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
