am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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