You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
