Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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