Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
