I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
