Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
