just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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