Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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