I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
