I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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