Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
