literally had 100 drinks last night.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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