R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
