you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
pop tarts are not kleenex
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize