I must be too annoying 4 u.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
