just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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