Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
