Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
