Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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