The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
