I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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