how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
