i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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