I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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