He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
