She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize