Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
