If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize