i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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