I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
