Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
