I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
