I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
