Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
