I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
