how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
