yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
