Girls should come with a carfax report
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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