Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
