Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
