i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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